Back in the Saddle

I fell off this Horse so thoroughly the past few months that I had to request a password reset from Blogger - my account had gone into inactive mode because it's been so long since I logged in (October of last year). I honestly haven't had much to say. I've had some misfortune in family and health, and I had to take some time to get past being overwhelmed by it. My sister died in late December, on the same date when my father passed away long ago, and I've been very sad about it. I also have had to pursue obtaining a legal guardianship of my mother, because she's in a nursing home and incapacitated. My sister took care of a lot of things for her, and now it's my turn to do so. I'm just beginning to come out of that wreckage a bit and getting back to writing and editing, which is always my emotional salvation. My sister wrote, too, but never published anything, and it was a huge reality check for me to find some of her notebooks when I was packing up her apartment. They were buried uncompleted in a box. I have been stalled out to some degree the past couple of years for reasons of the economy and some personal things, but I need and want to achieve forward momentum again. I feel very sorry for her that she never managed to get her voice heard in the greater world. I also feel some guilt for not being able to help her more with that objective, but I'm trying to do the same with my own writing, so I know how hard it is to do it for yourself, let alone to try and help someone else. It's a cliche, but life is short and fragile, and I know that I've wasted time that I could have spent more productively in creative pursuits. Like most people, I was guilty in extreme youth of thinking I had all the time in the world, but none of us do. I'd say the biggest part of my holdup the past two years was what I've detailed in earlier posts - I bought a laptop that turned out to be a horrific lemon and spent a year trying to get it to work. You can witness the devastating effect that had on me from the trajectory of my posts here; they drop off to a trickle during that period and have never recovered. It's important to me to get past that. I love my sister, and I miss her, and I want to include her in my writing somehow. I think it might make her happy if I can make her a character in one of my King Arthur books. It won't make up for those poor unfinished projects, testament to the fleeting nature of life, but at least it will be something. Life happens, and death happens, and art is the best way for me to deal with both of them.