Priorities

I had a minor dilemma this weekend that highlighted the tension I am feeling between work and play. The bulk of my time is divided between work that pays most of the bills and work that I love, writing my books and music, which I also consider play, probably the best kind that there is. Those two activites take up literally almost every waking minute that I have, and the remainder of my time gets eaten up by household chores and errands. The area of my life that has suffered as a result is socializing and entertainment. I spend most of my leisure time at home, either reading or on the computer working on my writing projects, social networking to build a base or working on my Etsy shop. When I do go out, it's usually to cover something I've been assigned to review, like a concert or film. I haven't had any freelance assignments lately because the economy is so dire, and there is very little work to be had, so I've really seen almost nothing and been almost nowhere. I've been feeling socially deprived lately because of that, and I let myself cut loose more during the holidays, when there were a lot of parties, but have been getting back into the work groove since then. The reason I am so motivated now is that when I was really young, I constantly ran around here and there, and while I had fun and learned many useful things, I also wasted a whole lot of time. I wish I could have some of that time back to put to better use making art, which is why I work so hard now. It really is rewarding to create things, and while I still have to do other work to cover bills, I'd honestly rather spend most of my time writing or working on music and art than doing much of anything else. I spent a lot of this past weekend on research and book edits, but several of my housemates kept asking me if I wanted to attend the Edwardian Ball on Saturday, a costume event which always happens in San Francisco, but came to Los Angeles for the first time this year. Here is the website:

http://edwardianball.com/

I really wanted to go, and I also really wanted to use the evening to get work done on my book. The event also had a large cover charge ($30.00) and I am saving money for my Apple laptop, so I was thinking about the money aspect, too. However, my housemate Dena especially pushed me to go, because as she quite rightly said, artists need creative stimulation and this was certainly going to provide it. I waffled back and forth all day, and did not decide until the last minute whether to go or not; the only thing that convinced me was when my housemates Evonne and Brent came downstairs ready to go, and they looked amazing. So, I gave in and went. I pulled together a costume in about twenty minutes, which says something about my closet - I wore a long black poufy skirt, a Victorian blouse, a big gold locket, a capelet I bought in London, a huge black vintage handbag, crocheted gloves, a flower thing in my hair and carried a long stick umbrella. I went with my other housemates Ryan and Elizabeth and their friend Beverly, who also all looked fantastic. The ball was at the Tower Theater in downtown L.A., which was a perfect setting for it, with ornate wood and crumbling paint. Half of the Los Angeles creative community was there, and everyone was decked out. I saw someone with a Chinese lantern on their head, a lady with a wolf's head hat (it did not appear to be an actual wolf's head), wings, bustles, top hats, corsets and a stilt-walker. There was an aerial act (the Vau de Vire Society) and the local Cirque Berzerk. We took in the show until the ballroom dancing started, and we stayed until about 1 am, which was plenty long enough. The tickets turned out to only be $25, score, and I ran into a lot of people I know. I also felt very much at home. I don't want to club anymore really, only on rare occasions, but this was nightlife with value added. I was in bed by 2 am, and while I wasn't very productive the next day, I am still glad I went. I contemplated this whole thing a lot over the weekend, because while it seems sad that I have had to sacrifice a lot of social context during the last few years in order to get my own stuff done, I've made amazing progress and it's been worth it to me. I had a lot of fun when I was really young, and now I want a flourishing career and I am willing to do the work that that requires. I am at a different stage of my life now, a more inner-directed and focused one. It's not just a function of being older, either. I've never had endless energy. In an analysis of my past socializing, I realized something important: at the height of my social activity, when I was in college, if I went out a lot, something else always suffered, and that was usually school. If I ran around all weekend, sometimes I would have to skip a few classes the following week because I was wiped out. That's why I am so careful now. I know there will be consequences if I waste too much time and energy. Being the breadwinner changes everything, too. I haven't had student loans to fall back on for years. After I buy the laptop I still need to shell out more for a keyboard, microphone and software. I've had to put off these purchases for so long for various reasons that I don't want them to get pushed back anymore. Once they're paid for, I have other things to save up for, but I can cut loose a little more, too. My art is the meaning of my life for me, but it has to be said that it was also a lot of fun to dress up like a big china doll and go to a costume ball. It's not like that happens every day.